"The penises could not be recovered."

This article in yesterday's paper caught my attention, probably because of the last line: Man arrested after two boys mutilated

One of the overriding principles that I've tried to abide by while I'm Asia is to not piss off the locals. The above article I think demonstrates exactly why I was scared shitless riding in a taxi driven by a pissed off Thai, which is something I'll get to shortly, but first an update.

I'm still in Bangkok, again at Suk 11. As I write this, it's 4:30 AM, I'm three large Chang Beers (a lovely concoction of wheat, yeast, hops, and formaldehyde) deep, and the mosquitoes are feasting on my exposed flesh; I pray the doxycycline does it's thing. I also hope my loyal readers appreciate the dedication with which I post to this blog. Anyway...

On Tuesday, I headed north to Pak Chong to the Greenleaf Guesthouse (http://www.greenleaftour.com) to take a guided tour of Kaho Yai National Park. It was a pretty standard tour. I saw things like birds, lizards, elephants, lots of bats (hopefully I'll get the video of this online soon, it's unreal), and an amazing sunset where we saw the sun essentially fall out of the sky...very cool. I also got to swim in the waterfall that they filmed in The Beach; sort of kitschy, I know, but it actually was a pretty neat spot that would have been nice even without the Hollywood recognition.

What made the trip especially memorable, however, was the family running the guesthouse and tour. I imagine it's rare that one meets people who truly restore one's faith in humanity, whatever that means. I've met a number of incredibly hospitable Thais since I've been here, but my tour guide Nine and his wife Nam (I'm sure I'm slaughtering the spelling and pronunciation of their names) undoubtedly take the top spot. I'm not going to bore you with the details of their niceness, just trust me on this fact. The story why I feared for my life is probably more interesting anyway.

After the tour was over, Nine and Nam drove me to the bus station. Once I got there, I purchased my ticket for the 9:40 PM bus back to Bangkok and I decided to call my parents and let them know I was leaving Pak Chong. Only then did I realize that I didn't have my newly acquired cell phone...not good. To make matters worse, I didn't know my own number, so I couldn't even track it down. I decided that I must have left it on the table at the guesthouse where I had been downing a few Changs before I left (the stuff is poison, I tell you). The cool thing about Pak Chong is that very few westerners frequent the town, and thus, very few people speak even a word of English. This makes for a fun and interesting afternoon of navigating the town, but makes it difficult explaining to the woman selling tickets that you have lost something. After a few minutes of me trying to pantomime the loss of a cell phone and requesting a taxi to take me back to the guesthouse, she arranges for a large and somewhat surly Thai taxi driver to transport me from and back to the bus station for the sum of 150 Baht, about $3.75. Incidentally, since I have my loaded pack with me, I ask if I can leave it at the bus station. This is one of the things I love about Thailand, I don't think I'd even contemplate leaving most of my worldy possessions at a bus station in the US.

A few minutes later I'm sitting next to the aforementioned Thai in an early 1980's Toyota Pickup truck, heading back towards Greenleaf, and expecting to find my cell phone sitting on the table where I left it. After a 15 minute ride, we arrive at the guesthouse and to my dismay, there's no phone in sight. The staff at the guesthouse and I had gotten along very well during my stay, so they all enjoyed a good laugh at my expense, especially when Joe, one of the guides, asked me for my number. We deduced that it must have fallen out of my pocket in Nine's truck and Joe called him to confirm.

While Joe was on the phone, some of the other guests asked me what the phone looked like and my stomach tied in a nice, neat knot. Since this was a used cell phone, there were certain customizations shall we say, including screen graphics, that were already installed on the phone when I purchased it. I had chosen one pre-installed graphic that I thought was sort of funny being on a used Thai cell phone and certainly unique. The problem was that the graphic I had chosen was the words "Fuck You" in clean text. I could imagine Nam picking up my phone from the seat of the car and being greeted by this message...I began thinking of how badly I had just violated my policy of not pissing off the locals. Sure enough, Joe hung up his phone and let me know that Nine had found mine sitting on the back seat of the truck.

To compound the apparent situation, the taxi driver who I had assured would only have to wait a minute, had by then been waiting for about five minutes and was clearly agitated. Sweet, I'd now violated my rule twice in about ten minutes. Joe said that Nine was only a few minutes away, and relayed this message to the taxi driver, which seemed to calm him down. Twenty minutes later, Nine pulled into the parking area of the guesthouse, both he and Nam pointing at me and laughing good heartedly. Luckily I had locked the phone before I got in the car, so the screen wasn't visible...one nasty beating avoided.

Now the issue of the taxi driver. Once he saw that I had my phone, he walked over and a heated exchange between him and Nam took place. The entire time I'm thinking that no matter what happens now, my dead body is being dumped somewhere along the road between Greenleaf and the Pak Chong bus station. Did my travel insurance cover repatriation of my remains necessitated by my own stupidity? After a few minutes Nam said I would have to pay the driver 200 Baht to get back to the bus station. Twenty minutes of inconvenience was worth just $1.25? Only in Thailand.

We drove back toward the bus station in absolute silence, my only movement being an occasional glance at an obviously pissed off cab driver. "Well done, jackass," I thought to myself, "you're going to get stuck with a rusty screwdriver any moment now." Thankfully, no screwdriver emerged and I made it back to the bus station without any lacerations. I gave the cab driver the extra cash I had in my pocket and apologized profusely in English, fully aware that I could have been reciting the graphic off my phone and he wouldn't have known the difference...it was all in the tone and I was quite obviously embarrassed, very afraid, and rather grateful. Eventually he cracked a smile and I was off to catch my bus back to Bangkok, cell phone in hand and appendages still attached.

While I'm on the topic of my cell phone, anyone interested in shooting me a quick phone call or text message can reach me at: 66.9.4467.6299. For those of you keeping tabs on my whereabouts (Mom & Dad), I'll likely be in Bangkok until Wednesday, then down to Koh Phi Phi for a day or two to meet some friends, and then finally back to Koh Tao.

Pictures galore...

Two posts in one day, yeah I know, I'm bored today. Actually, I'm just WAY over budget at this point, so I'm laying low for a little while. Fortunately, I was able to get some pictures online:

Flying out of LA into the sunset


Thai Royal Palace


Canal in Thailand, nice to see they keep it clean


My first room in Bangkok


A really pissed off viper at the snake farm


Typical street in Koh Tao


The first nice thing I saw after spewing off the catamaran


My first room in Koh Tao (on Koh Nang Yuan)


Koh Nang Yuan from the top


I'm not one for postcards, so this is what you all get


The Thais are very modest people, apparently "When in Rome" doesn't apply to Israelis


My room on Koh Tao


The main highway on Koh Tao (and a glimpse of my motorbike)


One of the side roads on Koh Tao (most of the roads are like this)


The view from one of the bungalows on Koh Tao

Now, by shampoo, do you mean shampoo, or "shampoo"?

I'm back in Bangkok and went to get a hair cut yesterday. In any other country it should be a non-event, however this is Thailand, so a different set of standards apply. It's well known that most massage spots and salons also dole out happy endings, the trick is actually finding a legit place to get a hair cut. I got a recommendation for a place from the Internet cafe I'm currently using, which as far as I can tell, is an only Internet cafe and not a brothel. An older woman did the cutting, so I figured I was in the clear; despite it being Thailand, I couldn't imagine she was in the sex trade...anymore.

After the hair cut she says, "You want shampoo, it free." Now, truth be told, there was a sign on the wall saying that for a limited time, you could either get a shampoo or a shave included in the cost of the haircut (which, incidentially, was about $3.75). I figured that was below the cost of sex in Bangkok, and that combined with the woman's age made me think that I was in the clear. It's then that she tells me to get up and go to a different chair, one behind the curtain. I'm more than a little dubious when a young girl walks out to escort me over to the chair. Not wanting to jump to conclusions or offend anyone, I hesitate but follow. The girl has what looks like shampoo so I sit down and place my head over the sink. She begins to wash my hair, but it's more of a head massage with shampoo...good stuff and totally legit.

After three applications of shampoo and/or conditioner, I'm starting to wonder if this situation is going to escalate to one I don't want to be in. I mean, I've now been at this place for over an hour and I've agreed to pay fewer than $4. After the shampoo, she leads me back into the initial chair, and begins massaging my neck and shoulders...again, good stuff and totally legit.

After that, she leaves and goes back to reading her magazine and the woman who cut my hair returns and asks if I enjoyed the massage. I give an afirmative reply, and then she asks me if I want a full massage. In broken English, she starts saying how some girls like to do more than massage, but I can't tell if she's referring to some girls in Bangkok or some girls in her shop. I've had enough at that point, so I paid my 170 Baht tab, thanked her, and left. In retrospect, I believe that the shop was legitimate, but one can never be too careful in the land of smiles.

The day before, I was close to being involved in an international incident. My visa had almost expired, so I had to make a visa run to Burma. It's a technicality that some people have been doing every thirty days for many years...it also should be a non-event. Well, this is me, in Thailand, and of course it couldn't be that simple. The process should be:

1. Go to Thai Immigration in Ranong and get an exit stamp and a little piece of paper stapled in your passport which gets stamped in Burma.
2. Walk to the Pier, pay $5 US and get on a long tail boat, for a 30 minute ride to Burmese Immigration.
3. Hand your passport to the guy on the boat, he goes to the office, gets an entry and exit stamp from Burma, and then you return to Ranong, Thailand.
4. Return to Thai Imigration, show the the stamps from Burma, proving you left Thailand, and then they give you a new entry stamp and another 30 days in Thailand.

This was my experience: We arrived in Ranong after a harrowing ride in a minivan through the mountians of Thailand. Picture the curviest road you've ever seen, rut it with potholes, throw gravel all over it, make it two lanes, post no speed limit, and allow passing wherever you want. Now drive it in a minivan, rapidly. Michael Schumacher would be proud of our driver.

Once in Ranong, we (a Swede and a Dane were also making the run) went to Thai Immigration and, interrupting a televised Thai boxing match, got our exit stamps. We walked down to the pier and had to pay $5 US, which goes straight to the Burmese Government, or Junta, if you will. When you purchase your visa run ticket, the travel agent asks if you need a $5 bill, I declined since I still have a bunch of US dollars. Well, what they don't tell you is that the dollars need to be fresh-from-the-Treasury perfect. I had $18 in singles, and only three of them passed the visual test of being unmolested enough to give to the Burmese. Making this situation worse is that I had originally taken $5 out of the over $600 in US bills I have with me. When they wouldn't accept the first 5 bills, I had to go fishing in the wad of large US bills for singles. I can tell you that I've never been so nervous in my life seeing twenty Thai fisherman eyeing a knot of US cash worth more than they make in a year. There was no way to be discrete about it either; I couldn't very well walk away, since they guy already had my passport. Luckily, they eventually said I could pay in Baht, so 300 Baht later (about $7.50) I was on the boat to Burma.

The "crew" on the boat considted of one deaf Burmese guy running the motor, another Burmese guy who had our passports, and boy who looked about seven handing out cokes, he was also trying to sell us Viagra...go figure. Anyway, we took the "big" boat and left the Thai pier. It was only after the boat started to run aground did they realize that the tide was going out and we'd have to return and take the other boat, a covered long tail with a gimbal mounted motor.

On the way back to the pier, the guy with our passports starts inspecting mine. The first thought that crosses my mind is that he's wondering how much a US passport would fetch on the black market, but after a few moments it becomes clear that he's looking for my exit stamp, which Thai Immigration never gave to me...not good. If I had actually arrived in Burma with out the stamp, I doubt the Burmese would have cared, they got their $5. The fun would have started when tried to reenter Thailand, without leaving leagally. Luck was on my side since the tide was heading out and I had a chance to run back to Immigration and be real charming in order to not arouse suspicion, I imagine that immigration officers don't like being told they screwed up...loss of face and all.

The rest of the trip was, thankfully, without incident. We made it over and back before the tide went completely out (another boat wasn't so lucky and actually was beached on a sandbar) and once again found ourselves at the Immigration office getting an entry stamp and a fresh 30 day visa.

At 27 meters underwater, blood runs green.

Found this out first hand yesterday. I was on a fun dive with a few others and we were swimming through a small underwater tunnel, or at least that was the plan. Everyone one I was is far more experienced than I am and they had little trouble swimming through a pitch black tunnel infested with sea urchins. I was ok with the sea urchins and the enclosed space, even if it was 90 feet below the surface, however what really freaked me out were the "things" on the rocks. I'm not sure what they are, and I couldn't get a clear answer from anyone here, but imagine a clam embedded in the coral that, when you get close to them, close up. Now, it's cool to see while you're swimming, but it's not cool when you put your hand in on upon entering the aforementioned tunnel. Suffice it to say, I was a bit unnerved by the experience, and by the shooting pain in my finger. As I backed out of the tunnel, it was a sight to see my finger oozing greenish-brown. It's really a small cut, but I'm milking it for all its worth since it's my first diving injury.

I decided to take the day off from diving today, largely motivated by a massive hangover. It's like spring break here, every day. On an island in the Gulf of Thailand, when you're not diving, you're very likely in a bar getting pissed (yes, I'm still hanging out with Brits). For the people that live and work here, the steady flow of travelers ensures there are always people looking for a party. I can see how people enjoy this for a few weeks, even a month or more, but some people I've met have been here for almost a decade...that's dedication.

Interesting statistics: The leading cause of death on Koh Tao is motorcycle accidents, the second is falling coconuts. Why is that interesting? Well, as I understand it, we're in coconut falling season right now and I've recently rented a motorbike. I like to live on the edge, what can I say? It's funny, on an island where I estimate there are at least 2000 motorbikes, there are maybe 5 helmets that I've seen. Luckily the bike I have is barely faster than a bicycle, so it should keep me out of trouble. What really amazes me though, are the Thais who can balance a family of five (including an infant and a dog) on a motorbike as I cautiously wobble by, barely able to keep myself up. It's taking some time to get used to driving on the left-hand side of the road too, and every so often I find myself instinctively on the right...luckily oncoming traffic hasn't found me there.

When I first arrived in Thailand, I had no clue what I was going to do for seven months. I'm looking at my seasickness as a fateful event. Since deciding to sign up for the Divemaster Training Programwith Ban's, my schedule is somewhat more concrete. This is also somewhat directed by my budget, which has been grossly modified since paying for diving classes and some diving gear (this whole "traveling light" thing went out the window yesterday when I bought a mask, fins,and a wetsuit). I'm leaving Koh Tao on Saturday and heading to Burma to renew my Thailand visa. From there, I'm going to head back to Bangkok, and pick up my stuff that I left in the guesthouse and also pick up a cell phone. I thought I'd enjoy being out of touch for awhile when I left my phone in the states...not so much, and not havinga cell phone here is about as rare as it is in the states. I'm also going to rent a house on Koh Tao when I get back (1 bedroom houses here go for about $125 a month), so there's little point in storing stuff in Bangkok. After a brief stop in Bangkok, I'm probably going to head south again, but to the Andaman Coast and Koh Phi Phi for some more diving. They're in high season right now, so the water should be clear and the weather near perfect. We're in monsoon season on this side, so the visibility under water hasn't been that great (maybe 10 meters at best) and it does storm for about an hour every day. I'll probably spend a week or so on Koh Phi Phi, and maybe headout to the Similan Islands too, budget permitting. After that, I need to be back in KohTao and will have to really start the Divemaster program. I'm hoping to finish the program sometime in late January or early February and then spend another month traveling around Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam. After that, I'm sure my money will be long spent and I'll be ready to return home. I'm hoping to be back sometime in March.

So, while it won't be the seven-month trip I had initially planned, thus far few things have gone according to plan and I'm having a great time.

It's frightening to think that I may need to save someone's life.

It's even more frightening to thing that I supposedly have the skills to do so. Earlier today I completed my Rescue Diver course. It was definitely one of the more difficult things I've had to do since I've been diving, but it's still scary to think that someone with only 11 dives can be certified as a Rescue Diver.

Then again, my notion of what's safe has certainly shifted in the few short weeks I've been in Asia. For comparison, things that wouldn't even be considered safe at a traveling carnival assembled by gas-huffing grade school dropouts in the US are the norm here, and yet-for some reason-I feel safer here. From the riding in a Tuk-Tuk in Bangkok traffic to sitting a few feet from a spitting cobra at the Snake Farm (I have great pictures from this), it's refreshing to be in a country where the belief in fate determines what's safe (everything), rather than lawyers.

Would you get in this thing in rush-hour traffic in New York?


Along with the general lack of litigation-motivated safety concerns here, there are a many other aspects of this country that have continually impressed me. One thing that has characterized almost all the Thais I've met is their infectious smile. Everyone seems to be happy here. I can't think of the last time a 7-11 employee in the US seemed not only willing to talk, but happy to do so.

Also, despite the lack of tipping almost across the board in Thailand, restaurant service is always pleasant. One thing I will say (that no guide book I've come across has mentioned) is that when you order food in Thailand (be it a Thai restaurant or otherwise), your food will come out when it's ready, and very often the appetizer will follow the meal just because it took longer to cook. You also have to ask for the check...always. The first few meals out were interesting, as I sat there for at least an hour, expecting the check to come and chalking it up to bad (yet still friendly) service. Little did I know that it's typical to ask for the check at the register; thanks Lonely Planet.

Finally, one of the most enjoyable things about being here is that the Thais seem to bring their children to work with them quite often. I've seen this in restaurants, museums, and even at the Royal Palace. It's nice to have smiling children almost everywhere.

Anyway, now that I've completely gone off on a tangent, I'm going to put this to bed. With Internet access charged by the minute, please excuse any redundant or rambling thoughts above; I don't have the time to really proofread these posts as I should.

Despite his nationality, Jacques Cousteau knew what was up.

Four days, nine dives...good stuff. As some of you know, I'm STILL on Koh Tao, and very likely will be for the foreseeable future, save for visa runs. I've taken quite a liking to this diving thing. So far, I've been as deep as 32 meters and have done one night dive, in addition to several other dives. No more sea sickness to speak of, but there were a few dodgy moments (can you tell I've been hanging out with Brits?), what with the 3 meter swells yesterday afternoon; luckily I wasn't the one booting over the side. The visibility underwater hasn't been great, and we've had two rainy days, but being underwater is nonetheless amazing. I just completed my Advanced Open Water course, and will start my Rescue Diver course tomorrow. After that, I'm planning on beginning my Divemaster course, which will take me at least a month to complete. The Divemaster certification requires a minimum of sixty dives, and many schools encourage you to end the course shortly after you complete sixty dives (as all your diving is free while you're in the course). Ban's however, is very flexible, and I spoke with one instructor that did 250 dives in his Divemaster course.

In other news, I continue to be amazed by this country. It's stunningly beautiful when it's not raining, and even then it's not so bad. The one thing I'm not getting used to however is the heat. It was probably close to 90 today, and the humidity was very high...pretty much a normal day. The water temperature is in the low 80s on the surface, and in the high 70s on the bottom. Since I'm in a room without AC, it's a relief that my bathroom doesn't have hot water. Whoever though one would look forward to a cold shower? Sadly, the relief doesn't last long with a room that's 80 degrees; perhaps that's why I look forward to getting into the water every day.

Oh, I guess there's two things I can't really get used to...the food. Try as I might, I can't really get myself to a point where I'm looking forward to eating Thai food. I've found certain dishes that are quite good (I'll surely miss the chicken skewers and pancakes-not at the same time-from the street vendors when I'm gone), but I feel like I'm cheating myself by just ordering the same thing night after night; it does give the waiters a good laugh though. Most of the time when I feel adventurous with the menu, I end up feeling hungry after the dish is served. I don't mean to disparage Thai food, as I'm clearly in the minority, even among westerners. I'm sure the more time I spend here, the more I'll find to enjoy. For now, I'm quite happy that it's easy enough to find a cheeseburger, Snickers bar, or pack of Oreos when I feel like it.

That's about it for now. I hope everyone is enjoying the fall; I'll admit I'm a little sad that I won't get to see the leaves change this year. That said, I do get to swim with reef sharks and barracuda, so I guess it all evens out in the end.